A friend of mine and I went to a concert the other night and some guys came over to ask us to dance and the normal "bar" thing - we politely declined and went about talking, but he ask me a question that I felt very odd about - "where are you from?" as stupid as that sounds I wasn't sure at first what to say so I laughed and said "Burk". I didn't move a lot like military kids or anything growing up - I was born in Lawton,OK and spent 4 years there until moving to Arlington, lived there until I was 14 and moved to Wichita Falls. I was raised in Arlington - hell I moved out on my own when I was 16 so I only spent 2 years @ "home" in WF and then moved around more than a traveling gypsy -- today Megargel is home . . .when I came here in 2002 I damn sure never expected it to be. For the most part I love it here. . .and a part of me misses that convenient life where you live 15 minutes from everything like it was in Arlington. Scott and I talked about moving to Dallas one time and I thought about it long and hard before I kicked it off the "to do list".
We have moved and traveled so much in the past 6 years that it shocked me that we lived in our first house here in town over a year - we've never lived one place that long. Now, we have bought a home here, and become "official adults" and own our home (no mortgage or loans, we own the damn thing). I'm not sure how I feel about that either.
Right now, my kids want to be here, and this is where we are. We didn't buy this house because Megargel is where WE wanted to be, we bought it because that's where THEY wanted to be, and they are safe here. They play in the streets alone - and I don't have to worry about them because I know they are okay, it's Megargel, strangers dont frequent here and the kids know just about everyone in town. Then, I see some of the kids around town (well they were kids when I moved here 9 years ago) and it seems like most of them are stuck here for one reason or another and I DON'T want THAT for my kids. Everyone they care about is here - Grandma/PawPaw - Neene/PawPaw - and sometimes I even forget that I am not "from here".
The drugs are here, and I know they are everywhere, but here it is no secret - friends come up from Dallas and even down from Wichita Falls and freak out because we have limited police here - and that scares me - I'm no saint, and my kids will know that - I've done all the bad shit I'm worried about them doing. I don't want them to be drunks, let alone dope heads like I was...I'm not okay with that...and I'm not sure how to stop that exactly?
All of that is a long time from now, I know, hell the world may end before my kids are ever grown and sometimes I pray that happens too. Had I known then what I know now, I might not have even had kids with the jacked up way the world is now - hell maybe its always been this way, and I just didn't know cus I was a kid - but I'm scared for them. I love them, and want the best for them - but I want them to always know where HOME is...and for me today - home is for sure where the heart is -- and my heart is in multiple places -- IN THE TINY BACKWOODS TOWN OF MEGARGEL,TX
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Blogging to make myself feel better
Things have been so chaotic this summer that I haven’t truly got to enjoy the season - my favorite season - and because of the lovely drought that Texas is going through, my favorite holiday has been pushed to the back burner like it doesn’t even exist this year. The Fourth of July is not just a day to “blow stuff up” it’s the day we are all suppose to come together and celebrate where we live and that we are FREE! Not this year, since there are no fireworks, there are no community activates, everything has been moved to September and that really chaps my ass. The Fourth isn’t JUST fireworks - but I guess I’m an old fogie for thinking that the celebrations of the season are not totally commercialized L So, I guess I will have to sit down this year and explain to my children just what Independence Day is really about - do some mild research with the older boys and show them what this holiday is SUPPOSE to be about.
I thought that last summer was strange - my parents, brother and his family had just moved back to Texas and were ALL (minus my brother) residing with Scott and I - so we were living in an all new, every changing environment - with 7 children and 5 adults in one house any and everything is subject to change at any given time! But I was excited to have my family back close so it was an eventful, lovely time even in the midst of all the chaos -- this summer…is pretty dull and just blah for me really and I am not sure what’s up with that. I love summer, love the lake, pool, heat, sprinklers, water fights etc -- its been so blazing hot here that I think about relocating to Alaska on an hourly basis!
I think it’s just a combination of everything. I spent most of the last year working - and now have becoming unemployed until I finish college - I feel like while I was working I lost my “groove” on being a Mom. I feel like my house is never clean enough, like I don’t spend enough 1 on 1 time with my children then when I do I feel like I am neglecting my husband. I also didn’t know going into this summer that I was going to be the family nanny. Monday - Friday I have a minimum of 4 children and most of the time 5 - one of the boys is usually off either at Grandma’s or MawMaws. Heather usually takes my kids on Friday nights and brings them back sometimes Saturday and drops hers off with mine - and picks them up sometime late Sunday evening about 8ish. Which means that 7 days a week I have her children. Everyday of the week her 2 are here and it makes me very edgy. I started school this summer because I thought it was going to be simple with Scott being home - it is, until you throw an entire mess of children at me and expect me to be able to study, clean and what not at the same time. I haven’t found a groove for school yet, and I don’t think I will until summer is over and school has started for the kids. I have NEVER put my kids in head start - and really thought I wanted to - but with Tegans lack of wanting to be potty trained now (this is a new development, we were doing so well … but he refuses to POOP in the potty!) I don’t think he will be ready for Head Start even though he qualifies because of his feet and our current financial situation. I guess it’s just my sign for God that Tegan isn’t any different than the other 3 and doesn’t need 3 schooling. Though it would give me devoted school work time…but with the other 3 being gone all day @ school I will have time (I pray) to get my schooling completed while they are at school and only have to work on it minimally after they go to bed at night.
I know that God has a hand in all this and that his plan for me is far greater than any plan I could set for myself - and I am willing to be willing to do whatever J My family is still the most important thing in the world to me, and I know the kids don’t understand it now, but they will when they are older that EVERYTHING I DID/DO IN LIFE - I DID FOR THEM AND THINKING OF THEM BEFORE MYSELF.
(this picture shows the coolest thing I have been apart of this summer - I love this group of girls...lots, they are my SISTERS :)I thought that last summer was strange - my parents, brother and his family had just moved back to Texas and were ALL (minus my brother) residing with Scott and I - so we were living in an all new, every changing environment - with 7 children and 5 adults in one house any and everything is subject to change at any given time! But I was excited to have my family back close so it was an eventful, lovely time even in the midst of all the chaos -- this summer…is pretty dull and just blah for me really and I am not sure what’s up with that. I love summer, love the lake, pool, heat, sprinklers, water fights etc -- its been so blazing hot here that I think about relocating to Alaska on an hourly basis!
I think it’s just a combination of everything. I spent most of the last year working - and now have becoming unemployed until I finish college - I feel like while I was working I lost my “groove” on being a Mom. I feel like my house is never clean enough, like I don’t spend enough 1 on 1 time with my children then when I do I feel like I am neglecting my husband. I also didn’t know going into this summer that I was going to be the family nanny. Monday - Friday I have a minimum of 4 children and most of the time 5 - one of the boys is usually off either at Grandma’s or MawMaws. Heather usually takes my kids on Friday nights and brings them back sometimes Saturday and drops hers off with mine - and picks them up sometime late Sunday evening about 8ish. Which means that 7 days a week I have her children. Everyday of the week her 2 are here and it makes me very edgy. I started school this summer because I thought it was going to be simple with Scott being home - it is, until you throw an entire mess of children at me and expect me to be able to study, clean and what not at the same time. I haven’t found a groove for school yet, and I don’t think I will until summer is over and school has started for the kids. I have NEVER put my kids in head start - and really thought I wanted to - but with Tegans lack of wanting to be potty trained now (this is a new development, we were doing so well … but he refuses to POOP in the potty!) I don’t think he will be ready for Head Start even though he qualifies because of his feet and our current financial situation. I guess it’s just my sign for God that Tegan isn’t any different than the other 3 and doesn’t need 3 schooling. Though it would give me devoted school work time…but with the other 3 being gone all day @ school I will have time (I pray) to get my schooling completed while they are at school and only have to work on it minimally after they go to bed at night.
I know that God has a hand in all this and that his plan for me is far greater than any plan I could set for myself - and I am willing to be willing to do whatever J My family is still the most important thing in the world to me, and I know the kids don’t understand it now, but they will when they are older that EVERYTHING I DID/DO IN LIFE - I DID FOR THEM AND THINKING OF THEM BEFORE MYSELF.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Spring wind blow - and new thing blow into our life
School started for me today - it started out pretty chaotic, but I finally got everything figured out with my student advisor :) and it was a breeze from there - got everything printed out that I needed - that way I can hand write my assignments when I have time, and have all my materials with me - then I can go back on the computer, type them up and submit them!
Kaiden went and had his tball pictures made today - I will post one on here (so you can see it Katy!) I didn't have the cash to order extras :( sorry! He really loves T-ball and getting to pay with his school friends and stuff :) I am so glad. This has worked out soooooooo much better than I expected - cus Kylans 1st experience with football was HORRIBLE! Thank God!
Scott went to a company in Olney today and got a job, they are installing quite a few wind turbine's between Olney and Archer City - and so they told Scott he had work until at least November :) That's more than anything I could have asked for. Money is good for around here, lots of hours, but at least he doesn't have to drive to WF everyday and he doesn't have to leave and be gone for weeks at a time :) He will get to come home and spend time with his family every night....and that to me is worth more than any big wig pay check!
Tegan is doing really well with potty training, the other 3 are sooooo ready for summer vacation - and I am too - got some time to make up with them for what I missed working :) Here we go 1....2....3
LIFE IS LOOKING GOOD FOR US - and I am really excited and grateful to God for all of it!
Kaiden went and had his tball pictures made today - I will post one on here (so you can see it Katy!) I didn't have the cash to order extras :( sorry! He really loves T-ball and getting to pay with his school friends and stuff :) I am so glad. This has worked out soooooooo much better than I expected - cus Kylans 1st experience with football was HORRIBLE! Thank God!
Scott went to a company in Olney today and got a job, they are installing quite a few wind turbine's between Olney and Archer City - and so they told Scott he had work until at least November :) That's more than anything I could have asked for. Money is good for around here, lots of hours, but at least he doesn't have to drive to WF everyday and he doesn't have to leave and be gone for weeks at a time :) He will get to come home and spend time with his family every night....and that to me is worth more than any big wig pay check!
Tegan is doing really well with potty training, the other 3 are sooooo ready for summer vacation - and I am too - got some time to make up with them for what I missed working :) Here we go 1....2....3
LIFE IS LOOKING GOOD FOR US - and I am really excited and grateful to God for all of it!
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
I should live alone. (4/8/11)
People have been telling me for years that the only person I need to live with is MY CHILDREN and my HUSBAND - I get it now God, I get it! Help me get THIS ONE out and I will keep my word to that . . or at least do my damnedest to! I have a way of doing -turns out- just about everything - and I like for it to be done that way. Why do Scott and I fight/yet get a well so long :) Cus we are just a like - he is just as anal and requires just much out of everything as I do - so ta da - we buttheads on how well something is to be done and to what degree (mostly the degree part cus we can both be pretty damn extreme sometimes!) Going back to work and having to deal with kids and chaos that isnt mine is some days more than I want to think about, I want to run and hide or leave - and I own this big ol' house, I aint going anywhere.
Reason's I have to keep my job!
With all the stuff coming up this month I need a list of "pick me ups" so to speak so that I can look back and remember why I can't just do my normal "take this job and shove it" routine! With Scott being gone to Illinois and me having to be up at 6am with the school kids - then up and around(dressed and all by 11) to take Vaeh to school and then by the time I get back from taking her its time to start getting ready for work - and then work from 3pm-10pm - my body paid the price today - I know time will make it easier but today it just sucks. Makes me be ready for Scott to be home and hell he just left..
1. Kylan's psoriasis laser treatments
2. the loan to Scott's Mom
3. the loan from Leslie
4. getting my car worked on and set up how I want it (motor wise and paint wise)
5. getting the suburban back in 100% family functioning order (new 3rd row seat, finding out why the stupid belt makes noise sometimes and not others, new driver seat, tune up etc)
6. Industrial construction jobs (Scott's work) are becoming few and far between
7. Continuing to pay my speeding tickets off :( hate this 1 the most
8. so that I can actually contribute something to the family bank account.
9. so my children can have the "extras" in life that we haven't been able to give them due to the toilet - i mean economy
10. getting my teeth fixed
11. getting my psoriasis laser treatments
12. having the money to do the FUN stuff with the kids (zoo, water park, etc)
School is almost over and then I can sleep in some and wont have to be up at the butt crack of dawn and that will help too - and maybe when Scott comes home he can find a job around here (cus his damn lic. SHOULD be cleared up by the time he gets home) and then we can go back to doing this family thing together.
I'm just in a funk the past week because my boss and his wife cant seem to agree on the way to run their business (that they have owned for 5 years now!) since my boss took on an additional job in WF he comes to the store less and less - we run out of stuff, our orders don't come in like they are suppose to and they have added more "THINGS" to mine and the other girls list of things to do, but didn't include a pay raise of ANY kind - but expect more out of us, i hate that crap!
Maybe once Scott gets home and we figure out what PAGE of life we are on, I can start looking for a job else where - I really wanted to go back to school but I am not sure how I would accomplish that, work evenings and tend to kids all day long during the summer - UNLESS I can stay up after they do and them sleep late - but well my children are night owls like me, so that's almost impossible LOL --- maybe next year when all 3 big kids are in school full days and Tegan is the only one at home? hmm..what a damn concept...welp we will just have to see how this all plays out.
I took my accelerated program entrance exam tonight and I think I actually did HORRIBLE on it. 1. my mind wasn't in it and 2. I was just dogged out from work - but I had to take it tonight :( Bad timing I think on my part -- oh well I will know tomorrow I'm sure!
1. Kylan's psoriasis laser treatments
2. the loan to Scott's Mom
3. the loan from Leslie
4. getting my car worked on and set up how I want it (motor wise and paint wise)
5. getting the suburban back in 100% family functioning order (new 3rd row seat, finding out why the stupid belt makes noise sometimes and not others, new driver seat, tune up etc)
6. Industrial construction jobs (Scott's work) are becoming few and far between
7. Continuing to pay my speeding tickets off :( hate this 1 the most
8. so that I can actually contribute something to the family bank account.
9. so my children can have the "extras" in life that we haven't been able to give them due to the toilet - i mean economy
10. getting my teeth fixed
11. getting my psoriasis laser treatments
12. having the money to do the FUN stuff with the kids (zoo, water park, etc)
School is almost over and then I can sleep in some and wont have to be up at the butt crack of dawn and that will help too - and maybe when Scott comes home he can find a job around here (cus his damn lic. SHOULD be cleared up by the time he gets home) and then we can go back to doing this family thing together.
I'm just in a funk the past week because my boss and his wife cant seem to agree on the way to run their business (that they have owned for 5 years now!) since my boss took on an additional job in WF he comes to the store less and less - we run out of stuff, our orders don't come in like they are suppose to and they have added more "THINGS" to mine and the other girls list of things to do, but didn't include a pay raise of ANY kind - but expect more out of us, i hate that crap!
Maybe once Scott gets home and we figure out what PAGE of life we are on, I can start looking for a job else where - I really wanted to go back to school but I am not sure how I would accomplish that, work evenings and tend to kids all day long during the summer - UNLESS I can stay up after they do and them sleep late - but well my children are night owls like me, so that's almost impossible LOL --- maybe next year when all 3 big kids are in school full days and Tegan is the only one at home? hmm..what a damn concept...welp we will just have to see how this all plays out.
I took my accelerated program entrance exam tonight and I think I actually did HORRIBLE on it. 1. my mind wasn't in it and 2. I was just dogged out from work - but I had to take it tonight :( Bad timing I think on my part -- oh well I will know tomorrow I'm sure!
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Living in HOG heaven?
Well I do believe I have been :)
So my brother Kris decided we needed 3 baby WILD hogs - slaughtered - so he went on his redneck journey to do that, and I was left with literally a sink full of bloody water filled with "ham" as my daughter said - I started grilling at 6pm and stopped shortly after midnight - ack - did anyone tell him I worked from 9am til 530pm and didnt go to sleep until 3am?
A pregnant friend stayed the night to baby sit the kids today while I was at work, and she and my 6 year old split the TOP half of the king size bed while my 3 year old and I slept at the foot of the bed. It was so flippin hot that covers were not an option and having so many people in 1 super bed was not on the top of my 100 things to do list - while SLEEP was on that list, I didnt hardly do any of it - about 7AM my friend got up and i noticed an empty space on the bed so I crawled up where she was sleeping and snoozed my alarm until 850am - thank God I only live a few blocks away from work!
I slacked off on bed time tonight, and I haven't decided if thats good or bad yet - so we will call it slacking for lack of a better "thought" at the moment. The oldest 2 boys give me NO trouble getting up - 6 year old gives me a little gruff sometimes about going to bed - tonights gruff was "its going to storm and storms are scary on the 2nd story" But leave it to the only girl - whos 4- and the 3 year old to cry almost every night for some reason since their Daddy left for work in Alabama - I have NO idea what that is over?? Maybe because I let them sleep with me shortly after he left? Who knows! All I know is that I am not so patiently waiting for my husband to get home from his week long job in Alabama (should be here about 2am)
Oh what a way to end the day - I went up stairs for a "potty break" and TA DA - the 13 year old decided she'd take an "EASY" way out of cleaning the liter box - and FLUSH IT DOWN THE TOILET!!!! So now when my husband gets home, the first thing he gets to do is attempt to fix the toilet ... or pray no one gets up in the night to pee and tries to flush it....cus its NOT going to flush...
So my brother Kris decided we needed 3 baby WILD hogs - slaughtered - so he went on his redneck journey to do that, and I was left with literally a sink full of bloody water filled with "ham" as my daughter said - I started grilling at 6pm and stopped shortly after midnight - ack - did anyone tell him I worked from 9am til 530pm and didnt go to sleep until 3am?
A pregnant friend stayed the night to baby sit the kids today while I was at work, and she and my 6 year old split the TOP half of the king size bed while my 3 year old and I slept at the foot of the bed. It was so flippin hot that covers were not an option and having so many people in 1 super bed was not on the top of my 100 things to do list - while SLEEP was on that list, I didnt hardly do any of it - about 7AM my friend got up and i noticed an empty space on the bed so I crawled up where she was sleeping and snoozed my alarm until 850am - thank God I only live a few blocks away from work!
I slacked off on bed time tonight, and I haven't decided if thats good or bad yet - so we will call it slacking for lack of a better "thought" at the moment. The oldest 2 boys give me NO trouble getting up - 6 year old gives me a little gruff sometimes about going to bed - tonights gruff was "its going to storm and storms are scary on the 2nd story" But leave it to the only girl - whos 4- and the 3 year old to cry almost every night for some reason since their Daddy left for work in Alabama - I have NO idea what that is over?? Maybe because I let them sleep with me shortly after he left? Who knows! All I know is that I am not so patiently waiting for my husband to get home from his week long job in Alabama (should be here about 2am)
Oh what a way to end the day - I went up stairs for a "potty break" and TA DA - the 13 year old decided she'd take an "EASY" way out of cleaning the liter box - and FLUSH IT DOWN THE TOILET!!!! So now when my husband gets home, the first thing he gets to do is attempt to fix the toilet ... or pray no one gets up in the night to pee and tries to flush it....cus its NOT going to flush...
Friday, April 8, 2011
My "Boy of Fall"
When I first heard the song "BOYS OF FALL" I knew that every school age football team in the world would be using it in 1 way or another - - I never expected Archer City to write "We Love Our Boys Of Fall" on their field fence..but it's cute none the less! When I signed Kylan up for football I honestly didn't THINK about it. . I didn't think about the gas $ it would require, dang sure didn't know I would be paying to get into EVERY single game, for the whole family (well minus Tegan) I didn't think about having a jerk of a coach and Kylan hating it and not wanting to finish out the season (they made it to the play offs and only lost 2 games I think - 1 being in the playoffs) BECAUSE of him. now that season is over and we are moving on towards next season and talking to him about it, God love him - the coach just killed it for him! But since there is going to be a new coach next year - maybe he will play - I also thought about putting him on a different team so that maybe this coming year he would ACTUALLY GET TO PLAY - cus Donny Bates was only worried about winning, not about teaching them the game or what to do, WIN WIN WIN - practice (mind you Kylan is in 2nd grade his year - first year your allowed to play) Mon-Thursday, rest Friday, game Saturday -- and practice was from 6pm til 8pm and sometimes later! It was totally nuts! If he wants to play great and Ill sign him up and pay the money, but they better pray to the Football God's above that it's better than last year or I might end up making an ass out of myself at a practice or two...
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